I can see the changes in mom every day. Today we could see changes by the hour. We talked to the Dr. again and she actually showed us the scan of her brain and the damage to it. The bleeds are massive when you look at them. There is also blood that has pooled in the brain stem. If you were looking at the brain picture on the left side kinda on the top of her head a spot the size of a golf ball maybe a little bigger. That was the first one. The second one is on the right side of her brain on the side above the ear that covers more than 1/2 of that brain hemisphere. When you are looking at the facts on the screen everything comes clear. As the Dr. was talking I wonder if mom was listening because it was after that visit when she started to decline. There has been no urine output today at all. She has been in a large amount of discomfort so her morphine has been increased every 1/2 hour. When her breathing is labored or when her blood pressure is super high it's upped again. Since around 5pm her skin has changed and has a stronger odor and her extremities are starting to show mottling and her toes and fingernails are turning . This all means that her body is starting to shut down. Both my sisters plan on spending the night up there. They will call me when or if something happens.
We have the best nurse up there.. Where the Drs. seem to tell us it could be days or weeks She says it wont be that long, she is so open and honest about everything. She sees this sort of thing everyday and tells us what she knows by her experiences. She told us tonight that it will be within the next couple of days, if not tonight. By the way her body and face look and how often they have to up the morphine to make her comfortable it's only a matter of time. And I believe her by the way mom has been changing in the last couple of hours. I do feel bad leaving but after 10+ hours watching her I needed to rest and clear my head. This doesn't make me a bad person because I didn't stay even after what the nurse said.... I didn't leave her alone she is with my sisters, sometimes when dealing with this sort of thing a person needs to rest. It is all very hard on all of us but mostly Mom, she would have never wanted to linger on like this and to use drastic measures to to bring her up to living on feeding tubes and respirators for the rest of her life was unacceptable to her, she made sure that not only we were aware of her wishes but her regular physician as well.. She did not want to live out her days being force feed in a nursing home where she couldn't talk, move or respond in any way. What a horror that would be.
I only wish her peace and comfort and to know that we all love her very much and will miss her and it's ok to relax and let go.
Be at peace mom.. We love you
2 Said WhAT!!:
Do take care of yourself during all this too, as well as your sisters. I doubt that anyone would accuse you of being a bad person. Screw 'em if they do.
Please do take care of yourself during this time. You need to rest just like everyone else. Even if it's and hr or two is better than nothing. And when your mom does go, she'll be in no more pain. Keep the faith all of you.
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