I could use a little love around here

Its been a rough 14 Days. With the news of Mom going into the hospital on Jan 8th and her steady and heartbreaking decline in the days afterwards. There is no doubt in my mind that sitting with my Mom day after day watching her slowly and painfully slip away has been the hardest most emotional thing that I have ever experienced and I will never experience this kind of pain, emotion, grief, (name your emotion here), ever again in my lifetime.  I am, to say the least an exhausted emotional wreck.
Ive never been one to lean on people for support, It's been hard even during this to be close to my sisters,  But I was hoping that since I was in a long term relationship that I could count on some support from D. (and I do understand that some people are unable to give like that) (he never even came up to the hospital once)
Well, Besides being yelled at and avoided like the plague I've seen very little of D.  He is either avoiding me or in Red Lodge.  It was like pulling teeth yesterday just to get him to hold me (it felt more like he thought he HAD to, I got more emotional hugs from people I barely know at work today than he has given me) and even then it was like he wanted to just run away Which he did today. (up to red lodge)  He hasn't even told me that he loves me in days.  He hasn't held me tight with emotion, just a barely there hug and away he goes. So I am feeling a little void of support. Well a lot actually.  I am sure that he is more than overjoyed that Mom's service will be Wed. of this next week.  Now he can go back to wamsutter and not have to worry about my emotions or needing someone here, he can just pretend that I don't exist. (like he has done these past days)  I'm sure if he really wanted to come to the service he would try to.  But that is the last thing he would want to do. I know that for sure.
I feel mostly abandoned by and him and more than a little disappointed and angry that I spend most of all my days with him trying to make his life better.  I always tried to make sure he always had what he needed, If he asked me to find something for him I would try, I went to many of his sons sporting events taking a bazillion photos and movies making pictures, blogs and collages and giving him those moments in his sons life in pictures that he would have missed otherwise, I've cooked him meals to take down to work so he wasn't starving and had good hot food to eat,  I've cooked for him here, (even cooked for him last night after my Mom passed away) trying to make sure he had a happy belly and always made sure that he was happy in other ways too. Ive kept his house clean, his lawn watered and mowed,  I check on his house in red lodge and clean it too, I even agreed to have the breast augmentation,,,
I have always put him first and I didn't mind that.  I have always been there for him,, always...
But now when I need support and understanding and someone to be there for me he just isn't.  Neither physically or emotionally.  I just do not feel any love at all.  Just resentment that I can't fulfill his needs. So when I'm tired and get a little mad and emotional that he always seems to take the food I just bought to red lodge with him, He yells at me.  He doesn't let me know that he did so that I can pick more stuff up at the store, I just get here to find that it isn't there anymore. So ya.  I am miffed thinking that I could concentrate on other things and my carefully constructed plan for the week is moved.
So I am knocked off balance
I am tired and emotional and my Mom just died yesterday.
This has been the one single thing in my life that has totally devastated me, and the one person who I thought would be there for me isn't at all. (he seems to think I should be over it by now)
So ya, I'm sorry that I get miffed when someone moves my cheese when I am doing everything that I can to keep myself from breaking down completely and add feeling abandoned on top of that with no emotional support it feels.............

awful.............  like nothing that I am going through means anything to him

It's like I am a total....

bother..

it's ...  unforgivable............