My mind is full of things that can never be. The coulda woulda shouldas have moved in making me think of things that I should have done, what would have happened if we did this instead, Should we have made other choices.
Truth is,,,,,
I cant change anything that I have done or didn't do. I have to know in my heart that Mom knew that I loved her and I know that she loved me. We both understood the circumstances of her life and we worked around them so that she would be the most comfortable.
As far as second guessing Moms final days. I suppose everyone goes through this. What would have happened if we did this instead or that or something else.
Truth is,,,,
There is nothing different that could be done. The tests, the facts, the Dr's, many Dr's reading and rereading the results of test after test. Moms body wouldn't have been able to handle any kind of feeding tube. Everything in her stomach was ending up in her lungs. The CAT scan of her brain and all the damage mostly to the right side and the way that the blood killed the brain cells.
But those nagging questions remain in my head.
Mostly because I wanted a different outcome.
Mostly because I really wasn't ready for Mom to leave us.
But I know the truth and eventually the coulda woulda shouldas will pass.
It's just another phase that I have to go through.
Doesn't make it easier, but I know all the second guessing doesn't change the facts.
0 Said WhAT!!:
Post a Comment